The "No Fill" Visit

Last Thursday I had my monthly check up visit with my Dr. Since I had lost 8 pounds in the month he felt like I did not need a fill. He thought that was really good. It's so hard for me to tell if I need a fill or not. I know in the morning I can't eat much, I know when I eat bread or something like pasta I can't hardly eat it. I do get full. The problem is at night. I don't know if I am hungry or just snacking out of habit??? That is the hardest thing for me. I really think I maybe just like to snack out of habit and boredom, or emotional eating. Me and my husband are not very active in the evening unless we have a meeting or something else to do. I really think the TV bores me, which could cause the snacking. I am going to work hard at not doing that for awhile. Maybe tonight when I get that feeling that it's time to get something to eat, I will write down what I am thinking or feeling. Take care everyone!!!

Bought something NEW!!!

I actually bought a new pair of pants last night. Get this, I have not even tried them on. If they don't fit they will fit soon. I usually don't let myself buy things like that anymore. The rule is usually if they don't fit right now, don't get them. I feel good that these will fit me soon. I will try them on tonight. I am wondering what the Dr will do when I go see him. My loosing is pretty good and I feel restrictive. At night I still have issues, I think its just habits. I try to just have some popcorn (even though i was told not too). I pop it myself in the microwave, in a paper bag, so I know it is very very low in caloriess.

I am really excited to be starting the Mary Kay thing. Tonight I pick up some more of my stuff. My main goal is just to keep involved and make some new friends. The lady that got me started said to me that she wanted to find some place to work that everyone was happy. Well I think it could be a good part time job for me just because of that reason. It's just all about feeling good and making yourself look nice. Becoming the woman I want to be.

Father's Day

For me holidays, any holiday is always about eating and/or food. I worked really hard to have a nice time, cook my husband his special treats and stay the heck out of them. My band has what I think is pretty good restriction, however, nothing stops the wanting of the food. That is just training and habits and learning to release all the stress and not eat. My father is still alive and as usual I didn't get to see him. He was at my brothers. My brother has a really big nice place and can afford all the fun stuff. I can't. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job and I do really good. We basically have all we could ever want, but I don't have the extra money to take my dad on really fancy trips. Just because I can't do those things, doesn't mean I don't want to see my dad. I guess those things are alot more inviting than coming to my house.

This all just goes back to my feelings of insecurity and not being enough. So when this weight is off of me, what will I blame all of these feelings on? I am one of those people that has blamed everything on being the fat girl. I know it's wrong, but heck once you have been doing that for so long that is how it happens.

I think my weight is coming off pretty good, I just keep trying to do what I am suppossed. The exercise is still not good... gotta better at that!!! Everyone take good care of yourself!!

Finally adding some pics!!!

We took a picture of me the day of surgery. All of this time it has been on my old phone, i didn't get the picture off my old phone before I changed to the iphone. Finally today I set down and took a few minutes to get that picture off. I really wanted it to be part of this blog so I can't see my progress. Here it is. Also adding a picture that was before the surgery back in Sept.

I THINK THIS IS THE SWEET SPOT???

I think this feeling I have when I eat too much is called "full". Wow!!! it's like the lights came on. Yesterday I ate a bit more than I should have and boy did it freaking hurt!!! So here is the deal folks when you start feeling full you stop eating. What?? Yes, I am serious you can just stop eating. Now that is new.......

Here are the rules for fullness---
1. you don't have to wait till your about to throw up to stop
2. it is ok to throw food away
3. it is ok to not stack your plate sky high
4. you are allowed to taste something and not finish it
5. if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it (really!!)
6. just because they serve you the salad you don't have to eat it

I am learing these new fullness rules. I have never applied them before, however, there is no reason why I can't learn them and use them now. I just need to practice, practice. I hope everyone has a great weekend, remember to listen to your band.....

FEELING BLAH!!!

I feel so blah and like I just can't lose this weight fast enough. I feel like I have done really well and then something happens that brings me down to reality that I am still so large. So you ask, "what in the world could make you feel like that" How bout trying on clothes. I have realized that i have huge issues when I go shopping, it really brings me down. I guess its just a slap in the face at what size I still am. I try to remember the important thing....what size I WAS and what size i WILL BE when this is all done. I don't know I thinkI just had one of those times when my expectations were really high and it didn't work out. The thing is to just keep on keeping on and living right, eating right and taking excellent care of myself. Love to all!!!

I NEEDED A WEEKEND

Even though this was a short week, boy am I tired. I have so much to do this weekend, several Eastern Star events to attend. I had some dissapointed today, I had some dresses that I planned on wearing (I made this decision a month ago) of course being the sicko I am I picked out dresses that were too small and thought "by then" they would fit me. I know better than to do this, I know that these expectations only lead to disaster. So i really began to feel like crud about myself. Like even with the band i still have issues. I just need to find some good things about myself and quit finding the negative. I am loosing this weight, I am moving forward. It just takes time. It's hard, the band makes it better, but it is still hard!!!! Well time to move on and get past it, find something different to wear and have a nice weekend.

Wow, its been awhile since I have posted. We were gone on Vacation last week, what a great time we had in New Orleans. I managed to stay on a pretty good eating plan while there. I had taste of the things I like the best and tried to get in all my protein. I think it helped that I had a fill right before we went. One morning while we were on our way to a Swamp Tour I think I was eating to fast in the car. I had a very bad episode. I now know what is meant by "sliming" yuk yuk. It was certainly no fun and my stomach was sore the rest of the day. I took it easy for the next day and only ate soft things. Well glad to be back home!!!