I have been away for so long. So many things have happened. I was loosing good and then got way off track. I had to have gallbladder surgery and for a long time I thought I was having problems with my lapband and all along it was the gallbladder. Lots of other things have gotten in my way on this journey. I am feeling really good now and on the right track.
Well it has been awhile since I have posted. Just living so fast and furious, trying to remember to take the time to take care of myself. Take those small slow bites, wait the 1 minute. Just simple things that I sometimes don't take the time to do. I always feel a bit funny when out to eat and everyone is finished but me. Or when the waiter keeps coming bay asking if everything is ok. I feel like yelling "yes, do you mind if I don't cram my food all it at once" Makes me think how society as a whole just eats so fast. Always in a hurry. I am really hoping that some weight drops a bit in the next couple of weeks. I think it will now.
Today I see my Dr. I don't know where I am right now in this journey. I have been so busy and running and going that I just haven't taken time out to do some self checking. I had my 19 year old niece stay with us for over a week, at which time my mother came and was with us for 2 weeks and my grandson. Now this weekend I have my daughter-n-law and their 2 kids. My daughter and her 2. Wow!! this has been the busiest summer. It is super fun though. I love having them all at my house and cooking for them. Playing with the grandkids is the greatest. Well back to the fill situation....so I know today the Dr is going to ask me "do you think you need a fill" some days I know I need one and some days I feel like I can barely eat. I also think my weight loss is going to be really low. I hate that, makes me feel like such a looser (and not in the right way!!)... I guess I will figure it out and udpate tomorrow if I get a fill or not.
Not doing my best today. Feeling really tired and wasn't ready to get up this morning. Oh well, sometimes that makes for the best days. Had a really tough episode Saturday night at a dinner. I think I ate too fast or got too much rice in my food, was having Chinese food. I spent the rest of the evening and even yesterday feeling "stuck" and sliming. This morning still taking it easy, eating something a bit soft for breakfast. I think that might be the worse I have ever had. It's really hard to remember to focus on eating slowly when eating when others. At home and when its just me hubby eating out, I use a timer on my iphone. Works perfect. Not exactly cool to get your iphone out and time your eating at a dinner. Everyone eats so darn fast, when I go really slow it is very noticable. Well just have to keep doing what I need to do. Great week to all!!!
I have been on one of those roller coasters where one morning I weigh one thing, the next morning 2 lbs lighter, the next day back to the original number, the next day one number higher, the next day 2 lbs lighter. Get the picture??? I hate that. Finally for 2 days now I have been 2 lbs lighter. Maybe finally I am moving on, back on track with loosing. I am following a pretty good plan with occasional treats. I won't call them "cheats" or anything like that because they aren't, they are planned small portions of something sweet. I have to make sure I keep that limited and keep it as a treat and not habit. I think I have be able to live with my plan forever and I know that living forever with nothing sweet isn't going to happen. I am of the belief that if you allow yourself a small portion of something occasionally it will keep you satisfied. My usual treat is "Starbucks" I have a bad addiction to light extra coffee caramel frapp!! Heck yeah!!! Love those darn things.
Ok, its time for me to get on the stick and quit sitting around sabotaging myself. I really need to get past these 3 weights that I bounce around with. Everyday I weight 239, 241, or 242. WTF... I want to move down and be more consistent. I know my fill is good, I can feel it working. I have really been feeling over-whelmed and stressed alot. I think it is just the summer and so much going on. This feelings always leave me eating and by eating I mean eating the wrong stuff. I do so good all day and then in the evening I have been deciding that I "deserve" something. Well what the hell I deserve is to have a healthy, functioning body. I deserve some nice new clothes from a regular store. Am I scared?? I could be. I don't remember buying clothes from a regular store, I don't remember not having this fat shielding me from life. I have always had it. Sometimes it scares me??? What will I do, who will I be if I am not "overweight Lillie". What excuse for not participating in life will I have? Crap maybe I need some advice!!!
Last Thursday I had my monthly check up visit with my Dr. Since I had lost 8 pounds in the month he felt like I did not need a fill. He thought that was really good. It's so hard for me to tell if I need a fill or not. I know in the morning I can't eat much, I know when I eat bread or something like pasta I can't hardly eat it. I do get full. The problem is at night. I don't know if I am hungry or just snacking out of habit??? That is the hardest thing for me. I really think I maybe just like to snack out of habit and boredom, or emotional eating. Me and my husband are not very active in the evening unless we have a meeting or something else to do. I really think the TV bores me, which could cause the snacking. I am going to work hard at not doing that for awhile. Maybe tonight when I get that feeling that it's time to get something to eat, I will write down what I am thinking or feeling. Take care everyone!!!