TO FILL OR NOT TO FILL??

Today I see my Dr. I don't know where I am right now in this journey. I have been so busy and running and going that I just haven't taken time out to do some self checking. I had my 19 year old niece stay with us for over a week, at which time my mother came and was with us for 2 weeks and my grandson. Now this weekend I have my daughter-n-law and their 2 kids. My daughter and her 2. Wow!! this has been the busiest summer. It is super fun though. I love having them all at my house and cooking for them. Playing with the grandkids is the greatest.
Well back to the fill situation....so I know today the Dr is going to ask me "do you think you need a fill" some days I know I need one and some days I feel like I can barely eat. I also think my weight loss is going to be really low. I hate that, makes me feel like such a looser (and not in the right way!!)... I guess I will figure it out and udpate tomorrow if I get a fill or not.

Looking forward to a really fun weekend!!!

Lillie

Monday, Monday

Not doing my best today. Feeling really tired and wasn't ready to get up this morning. Oh well, sometimes that makes for the best days. Had a really tough episode Saturday night at a dinner. I think I ate too fast or got too much rice in my food, was having Chinese food. I spent the rest of the evening and even yesterday feeling "stuck" and sliming. This morning still taking it easy, eating something a bit soft for breakfast. I think that might be the worse I have ever had. It's really hard to remember to focus on eating slowly when eating when others. At home and when its just me hubby eating out, I use a timer on my iphone. Works perfect. Not exactly cool to get your iphone out and time your eating at a dinner. Everyone eats so darn fast, when I go really slow it is very noticable. Well just have to keep doing what I need to do. Great week to all!!!

Am I Finally moving off this number???

I have been on one of those roller coasters where one morning I weigh one thing, the next morning 2 lbs lighter, the next day back to the original number, the next day one number higher, the next day 2 lbs lighter. Get the picture??? I hate that. Finally for 2 days now I have been 2 lbs lighter. Maybe finally I am moving on, back on track with loosing. I am following a pretty good plan with occasional treats. I won't call them "cheats" or anything like that because they aren't, they are planned small portions of something sweet. I have to make sure I keep that limited and keep it as a treat and not habit. I think I have be able to live with my plan forever and I know that living forever with nothing sweet isn't going to happen. I am of the belief that if you allow yourself a small portion of something occasionally it will keep you satisfied. My usual treat is "Starbucks" I have a bad addiction to light extra coffee caramel frapp!! Heck yeah!!! Love those darn things.

Time to "cowboy up"

Ok, its time for me to get on the stick and quit sitting around sabotaging myself. I really need to get past these 3 weights that I bounce around with. Everyday I weight 239, 241, or 242. WTF... I want to move down and be more consistent. I know my fill is good, I can feel it working. I have really been feeling over-whelmed and stressed alot. I think it is just the summer and so much going on. This feelings always leave me eating and by eating I mean eating the wrong stuff. I do so good all day and then in the evening I have been deciding that I "deserve" something. Well what the hell I deserve is to have a healthy, functioning body. I deserve some nice new clothes from a regular store. Am I scared?? I could be. I don't remember buying clothes from a regular store, I don't remember not having this fat shielding me from life. I have always had it. Sometimes it scares me??? What will I do, who will I be if I am not "overweight Lillie". What excuse for not participating in life will I have? Crap maybe I need some advice!!!