What is Normal??

I was thinking about that question this morning when I got on the scale. Down 2 pounds, that is good and I am happy. I was wondering when I would be at a "normal" size. I am not sure why we say that we want to be normal, really I think we just want to appear normal. I want everyone else to look at me and not think "oh she is fat" I want them to think "oh she is normal". I don't even know what normal is?? So maybe I don't want to be normal, I just don't want FAT to be the first thing people see and think. Some days the eating is still hard. People don't understand that the band doesn't keep you from wanting to act on your emotional response which for me would be eating. I just need to keep moving forward and finding happiness in what size I am now and looking in the mirror and learning to love what is there.

Getting Seconds

Hopefully today I will be getting my second fill. I must admit that I have not posted much. I think I have been pretty dissapointed in myself. I feel like I should be doing better. I hope the second fill will help me some. It's so hard to be patient and let the weight come off slow. In the past I have always over-done the diet, if you know what I mean. Lost weight really quickly, problem is guess what happens??? Yep, it all comes back plus some. I know this is the reason to take it easy and let it come off slow. Relax Lillie, let the band be your tool and take it easy. Learn the good habits that will last a lifetime. Find somethings to be grateful for, they are there.

Soft Foods are GOOD

Well I have not kept up with this blog as well as I said I would. I moved into soft foods and that has really helped. I feel like I am eating again. I have noticed over the weekend some actual hunger coming on. I see the nutritionist tomorrow and the Dr. next week. I wonder if I get a fill next week?? I don't even know. I hope so, I am just anxious to get past the healing and know what life will really be like. The weight is still coming off really good. I must get some exercise in my life. I keep saying and saying that. A lady invited me to meet her a Zumba class, and now I am feeling like I might be too old for that. I am 48 and I bet everyone at that class is young. I guess I should not let that bother me, but I do. I have to just get the confidence to do what I want and need to do regardless of others. That has always been hard for me. My incisions are healing just fine, no problems at all. All in all so far this is a good thing!!!!

Back in the Office

Yesterday I worked from home. Had a good weekend, tried to get lots of rest, knowing I would be back to work on Monday. I had lots of problems with nausea, I guess it's normal. Yesterday I finally called the nutritionist and she said to move to mushy foods, which goes from clear liquids to food like cream of wheat, cottage cheese, pudding, mash potatoes, things like that. It is very small amounts per serving, like only 1/2 cup. I got a bit excited last night trying to figure out how I could have some cottage cheese and some pudding. I have to get over that mentality. I guess it's the old diet ways kicking in. I also felt a bit fearful, 1.fear of eating food and getting sick, how is my stomach going to react, i don't want to vomit, etc. 2.fear of gaining weight, I know that is crazy, but I am loosing weight, and I am scared if I eat some normal food that will stop. I did find myself over the weekend wondering what to do with myself. Sunday is a day of cooking or going to eat, I couldn't really do any of those things. No reason anymore to cook a big ole meal on Sunday, just me and hubby at home. I think hubby missed our weekend routine of going to breakfast. I see no reason why we can't go next weekend. I can order some oatmeal that is mushy. We enjoy sitting there talking and having coffee, no reason not to do that. Just have to get accustomed to the changes. Have a great great day ever..... Lovely Banded Lil

HOME SWEET HOME....

I am home...wooohoo. I had to stay overnight at the hospital as a requirement from my insurance company. I have to say this was an easy procedure. I did not have any problems at all. The shoulders are sore due to the gas pain. They pump air, or gas or something into your stomach so it blows up and they have room to work in there. So then this gas moves up through your shoulders and other areas. It can kinda of painful, but not to bad. The more you walk and move around the more the gas will move through and out!!! So I went into surgery and after a few deep breaths I was out and woke up in recovery. In recovery they gave me a very small cup of ice chips to help with the dry mouth. My throat was sore and I was out of it. After about an hour or so they moved me to my room. I had to go down and have a swallow test. Now that sucks!!! you have to stand up in this xray machine and drink some white barium drink while the dr watches it pass into your stomach. You don't have to drink too much, but it is thick and yucky. So back up to my room and then I get some ice water. Now that was goood, I was ready for it, so dry mouth. I still did not feel much pain. They took really good care of me. I actually got some dinner!!! It consisted of the much beloved jello, a cup of crystal lite, a bowl of broth, and some tea, oh and dessert of a Popsicle. Had to take a dose of nausea medicine and that pretty much put me out. So that was yesterday!!!! not bad for the first day of the rest of my life!!!!

Tomorrow is the Big Band Day

I can't believe tomorrow is the day. My first appointment with Dr. Wright was back on January 13. It has moved really quick. The last 2 weeks I have been on protein shakes twice a day and one low carb meal, usually dinner. I have had sugar free jello and frozen treats some. Usually in the evening I have one snack, either pork skins or peanuts. I have my prescriptions filled already, liquid meds for nausea and liquid meds for pain. I have read that the pain is pretty bad, so I am a bit scared!!! I go back and forth from being really excited and ready, to feeling sort of depressed, like "why has it come to this"?, why can't I do this without surgery. I guess like everyone I have tried everything, lost the weight and then gained it back. Sometimes I even feel a bit mournful for the food I will be missing. Now that is horrible, but wow, there is lots of things I could potentially never be able to eat again. I tell you, I am ready to feel better, get this fat off of me and start living again. I have good support and will get through this tomorrow..... lovely lovely lil